Don’t Sugar Coat It: Give It to Me Fresh

Serendipity

Lips like sugar.  Especially the ones on my face.  I once “dieted” on nothing, but skim milk, candy corn and gummi bears.  OK, I had the occasional whole wheat toast with an inch thick heap of jam creeping off the sides.  Nothing says power breakfast like two tablespoons of oatmeal to three tablespoons of brown sugar, and don’t forget the raisins.  In fact, pile them in there.  It’s raisin grain Cain.  Lunch?  Diet coke, package of pretzels, and roll of sweet-tarts.  What?  Dinner?  No, let us skip that all together and go straight for the frozen yogurt. 

Eventually, I turned twenty-two and decided to add some variety to my sugar-soaked menu.  I added bagels.  Brilliant.  Feeling all grown-up, I incorporated coffee in the mix.  Living-on-my-own meet non-fat-half-caf-no-whip-mocha-latte.  After a while, glucose girl met celiac man.  Celiac?  Celiac sprue is a chronic disease of the digestive tract that prevents the absorption of nutrients from food if gluten is around.  Gluten?  Wheat, malt, hops.  Try to find a gummi bear without food starch.

“You can drink wine right?” I ask.

“Yes.”

“We can date.”  Let the reading of labels begin.  I stared at my boxes of sugar puff cereals, stores of sweeties, modified starched yogurts, bagels, and everything had to go, but the jam.  Ah man!  I did what any good sugar addict would do, I learned to bake gluten free.  I made brownies, pies, cinnamon rolls, cookies, searched for clean ice creams, and hello, chocolate is in the clear.  I converted my gluten-free rail thin man into a sugar-seeking wreck.  Sweets would run out and he would wrack at the cupboards demanding more.  He began ordering boxes of gluten-free cookies from the internet and storing them just in case Betty GF Crocker took the night off. 

Children entered our lives.  My life ran into the thirties.  Sleep got off my mommie-train at some junction and still has not called to check in.  If you see her, tell sleep to get her tush home!  Then the children started sleeping better, but I was not.  Tossing and turning, staring at the clock, beating the pillow, listening to the snores of my husband, counting sheep, shooting sheep and finally the children awake from sleep and “argh!”

“Maybe, it’s the sugar?” my husband suggests.  “No!” I quickly retaliate, “It’s the mattress!”  But the thought lodges itself in my sweet tooth like brain freeze.  I do the research.  Disappointingly, I discover that there is a strong correlation between sleep disturbance and diets high in sugar.  I decide to enter this new year sugar-free.  (Disclaimer: when I say sugar-free, I mean refined sugars in junky foods and candies.  Fruits, grains, rice, yogurt…these things all still have sugar and I am not 86′ing them.  Non-fat frozen yogurt at 2pm does not count either.  Hey it’s my experiment, I can make the rules!)

Well, the proof is in the pudding (ha-ha).  We are almost half-way through the month and I feel great.  I have been sleeping more peacefully and waking up more rested.  I feel more alert, probably from more sleep (duh), and drum-roll….in a better mood!

You know, it blows my mind that a diet rich in gummi bears is not good for you.  Really I didn’t see that one coming.  Perhaps the little sleep snaggers should bare a bear warning: Caution Goldi, the sweet you are about to enjoy is likely to induce sleep disturbances that will rob you of your soft complexion and pleasant attitude.  You will be more likely to drink 5 or 6 cups of coffee in the morning to offset said side effects.  This will undoubtably lead to further insomnia episodes and cravings for more sweets.  But please, have a bear, the first one is free.

No?  Too wordy?

~ by drea on January 13, 2009.